The Blair Witch Project was a hit horror movie found in 1999, followed by a crummy sequel in 2000 that eschewed much of what made the original popular in the first place. There was a second sequel in 2016 - confusingly titled Blair Witch - which we had forgotten about until we got Wikipedia the franchise this morning to write that intro.
Is the Blair Witch video game statute of limitations now in place? It hasn't been relevant for twenty years. And after? I know what you did last summer: the game? Urban Legend: the game? Jeepers Creepers: the game? We love silly old horror movies as much as Next Person, but this seems a bit late in the day. Still, no matter how poorly timed the game may be, what really matters is whether it's any good.
So is the Blair Witch game any good? Not really.
Blair Witch is one of those games that would be twice as good if it were half as long, which feels like an odd review for a game that ends in six hours – and shorter if you know what you're doing. – but that's where we are. It's a game that does a wonderful job of recreating what it's like to get lost in the woods, but seems to ignore that getting lost in the woods sucks.
Have you ever been lost in the woods? Like really lost in the woods? Walking around looking at trees and wondering, "Hmmm. Have I seen this tree before?" It's not funny. Not knowing where you are going is no fun. Brushing up on poison ivy and getting a rash is no fun. Being afraid that you will end up being eaten by wolves is no fun. Sit on a log, break down and cry until your mom doesn't find you funny. We didn't have cell phones back then, okay? It was scary.
Either way, Blair Witch does a commendable job of recreating what it feels like to be lost in the woods, quickly leaving you confused and directionless. It's not particularly scary at all, but it's certainly uncomfortable, and it's a solid foundation for what could have been one of 2019's most effective horror games. The palpable dread established at the start of the game dissipates over time as the frustrating mechanics and poor design decisions begin to pile up, ultimately derailing the whole affair.
You play as Ellis: a former cop who ventures into the woods with his trusty dog companion, Bullet, to join the search party for a missing young boy. Ellis is in trouble. The early – slightly awkward – explanatory dialogue hints that he has mental health issues, but this isn't developed until later in the game, so for the first few hours he's an ass to everyone and you don't. just have to face it.
It's also unclear why Ellis even joined the search for the missing child in the first place, unless we're supposed to buy that he's just a good Samaritan who doesn't really share what a fat jerk It is. Luckily, Bullet is an incredibly friendly dog and solves simple puzzles with him, pets him, and gives him treats because he's such a good boy never gets old. If the dog had been the main character in the game, we'd probably be looking for a solid 7 here, but alas, that wouldn't be the case. Maybe next time, Bullet.
As you wander from place to place, struggling to tell one from the other, you will receive vague instructions via walkie-talkie from police officers also looking for the boy, as well as finding some clues you can let Bullet sniff for a scent and lead you to the next area. Soon you will find a video camera that can inexplicably alter reality. Why? We don't really know, but it translates to a slightly confusing mechanism where you can pause videos you find at certain times to change the world around you; for example, interrupting a video of a tree before it falls prevents that fallen tree from blocking your path.
Time manipulation puzzles seem to exist purely to give you something to do rather than because they make sense. Later, combat is introduced but barely explained, and involves lighting a torch at ghosts until they disappear. This is bullshit. There are terrible stealth sections. There's a looping hallway towards the end that looks a bit like PT, but it quickly overstays its welcome, and you'll probably be bored long before it's finally, thankfully, finished.
The narrative is undoubtedly back-loaded, and we're not sure the answers Blair Witch provides will make you feel like your time finding them was well spent. There are a few different endings on offer – one bad and one not so bad. Since the best ending requires you to complete a bunch of completely arbitrary, common-sense challenge tasks, you're unlikely to see the good ending on your first playthrough, but we wouldn't recommend a second. Or even a first, really.
There are also the bugs to contend with, and we're not talking about the creepy crawls you can usually expect to encounter while wandering through the woods. Sometimes Bullet stops listening to you and just doesn't respond to your commands, which we totally get because Ellis is a tool and Bullet should be the one giving the commands here, but it's still not very helpful. We got stuck in the landscape once and had to reload. Also, one time Bullet just started running through the air, like four feet above the ground. Maybe he's some kind of super dog. Here's a game idea.
Conclusion
Blair Witch's strongest aspect - its eerie woodland setting - is perfect for a focused, streamlined horror experience. Unfortunately, that's not what this game is, and the superfluous and fancy gameplay mechanics thrown at you with reckless abandon only make the game less effective overall. A disappointing story, frustrating level design, and some precious genuine scares give us hope that this is a franchise that gets lost in the woods.
- Bullet is a good boy
- Efficient and scary setting
- Hateful protagonist
- Dull story
- Confusing goals
- Too many half-baked game mechanics
Poor 4/10
Scoring policy
Review of copy provided by Lionsgate
